Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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