are you so shy because you have an std?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
