My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
