I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
