I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You're like the curious george of whores
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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