The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
