Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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