and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We had to coat check the pizza.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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