I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
