I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
