My boss' voice literally gives me gas
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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