Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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