dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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