I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
