Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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