my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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