He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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