Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
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My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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