just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
