I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
