mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
