You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You brought string cheese to the strip club
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
