if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
