there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
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I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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