Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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