I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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