She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.