When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
