what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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