i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
