I look better un-naked...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
