I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Enjoy the penises
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
