this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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