Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
