i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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