I wannas sexs uuuuu
People in love make me want to vomit
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
