we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
