At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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