Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Randomize
