Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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