The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
