I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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