I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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