There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Everyone says I win the strip club
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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