What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
