She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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