are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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