I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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