im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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