you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.