So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
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they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
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Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE