Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?

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(512): View more from Texas

He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".

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(909): View more from California

I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.

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21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Read it at the TFLN blog
(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.

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(678): View more from Georgia

SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.

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(646): View more from New York

he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.

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