Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.