Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.

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  (314): Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead. (573): Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what. http://tfl.nu/rrcf
  Replies (8) Good night (1572) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight

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  (713): Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight http://tfl.nu/37pc
  Replies (22) Good night (817) Bad night (2455)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!

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  (706): TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!! http://tfl.nu/qyaf
  Replies (3) Good night (3487) Bad night (700)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?

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  (918): New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be? http://tfl.nu/0zp1
  Replies (17) Good night (5470) Bad night (1301)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.

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  (816): Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster. http://tfl.nu/ox02
  Replies (26) Good night (6059) Bad night (1196)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.

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  (417): Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there. http://tfl.nu/jea6
  Replies (8) Good night (3585) Bad night (1385)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil

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  (661): Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil http://tfl.nu/8mk8
  Replies (10) Good night (1900) Bad night (1290)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown

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  (845): No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown http://tfl.nu/5hg1
  Replies (6) Good night (2174) Bad night (1152)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick

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  (707): Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick http://tfl.nu/qfj7
  Replies (3) Good night (1705) Bad night (663)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?

  (425): View more from Washington

  Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.

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  (206): What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again? (425): Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing. http://tfl.nu/l4cd
  Replies (11) Good night (4784) Bad night (878)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.

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  (914): I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned. http://tfl.nu/4ebq
  Replies (6) Good night (821) Bad night (2063)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.

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  (518): Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk. http://tfl.nu/lrcf
  Replies (4) Good night (1229) Bad night (659)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.

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  (707): New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses. http://tfl.nu/6j5u
  Replies (2) Good night (412) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.

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  (251): My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult. http://tfl.nu/4jpl
  Replies (0) Good night (742) Bad night (298)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself

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  (570): This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself http://tfl.nu/5o6a
  Replies (0) Good night (339) Bad night (652)

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