So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.