I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse