it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
