I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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