Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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