its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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