I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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