Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
