I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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