Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
