I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
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He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
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I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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