I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
