I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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